Michael: Maybe it was an iguana.
Elliot: It was NO iguana.
Michael: You know how they say there are alligators in the sewers?
Gertie: Alligators in the sewers.
Mary: All we're trying to say is, maybe you just probably imagined it.
Elliot: I couldn't have imagined it!
Michael: Maybe it was a pervert or a deformed kid or something.
Gertie: A deformed kid.
Michael: Maybe an elf or a leprechaun?
Elliot: It was nothing like that, penis-breath!

Elliot: He's a man from outer space and we're taking him to his spaceship.
Greg: Well, can't he just beam up?
Elliot: This is REALITY, Greg.

Ellen Brody: He is not out on the water, he is in a boat! He's not going to go in the water! I don't think he'll ever go in again after what happened yesterday.
Brody: Now don't say that. You know I don't want that. I just want him to read the boating regulations, make sure he understands before he takes it out...

Larry, the summer is over. You're the mayor of "shark city." These people think you want the beaches open.

Brody

I'm not talkin' 'bout pleasure boatin' or day sailin'. I'm talkin' 'bout workin' for a livin'. I'm talkin' 'bout sharkin'!

Quint

I just found out, that a girl got killed here last week, and you knew it! You knew there was a shark out there! You knew it was dangerous! But you let people go swimming anyway? You knew all those things! But still my boy is dead now. And there's nothing you can do about it. My boy is dead. I wanted you to know that.

Mrs. Kintner

Brody: You're certifiable, Quint! You know that?
Quint: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Quint: Hooper, what exactly can you do with these things of yours?
Hooper: Well, I think I can pump 20 cc's of strictnine nitrate into him, if I can get close enough.
Quint: Can you get this little needle through his skin?
Hooper: No, I can't do that. But if I can get him close enough to this cage, I think that I can get him in the mouth or the eye...
Brody: That shark will rip that cage to pieces!
Hooper: [shouting] YOU GOT ANY BETTER SUGGESTIONS?

[picking up the line] Gamin' fish, eh? Marlin? Stingray? Bit through this piano wire? Don't you tell me my business again! You get back on the bridge...

Quint

[all singing together] I had a little drink about an hour ago and it got right to my head / Wherever I may roam / by land or sea or foam...

Hooper, Quint, Brody

Quint: You wanna drink? Drink to your leg.
Hooper: I'll drink to your leg.
Quint: Okay, so we drink to our legs!

Quint: Hey, Hoop, you wanna feel somethin' permanent? You just put your hand underneath my cap... and you just feel that little lump. Knock an ole un, St. Paddy's day, Boston.
Hooper: I got that beat.

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