[to Tallahasse] Are you some type of cock blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab?

Columbus

The fatties were the first to go.

Columbus

He sets the standard for "Not to be fucked with."

Columbus

I could tell she knew what I was feeling, we all are orphans in Zombieland.

Columbus

[a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.

Columbus

[a zombie is crushed by a falling piano] Poor flat bastard.

Columbus

Columbus: There are no penguins in the North Pole.
Tallahassee: ...You wanna see how hard I can punch?

Okay. You're about to learn who you're gonna call... Ghostbusters

Columbus

Wichita: Let's play the quiet game.
Columbus: I just wanna say...
Wichita: You've never played the quiet game, have you?

[after his neighbor changes into a zombie] The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.

Columbus

Fuck this clown

Columbus

It's amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.

Columbus

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