I'm putting together a team. Its filled with American heroes with over 100 years of combined combat experience... and a whole lot of brotherhood.


MacGruber: "Don't worry we got your back. We're only 7 blocks away. So if anything goes down..."
Vicki St. Elmo: "7 blocks?"
MacGruber: "Okay, you got me. About 20 blocks."
Vicki St. Elmo: "Wasn't there anything closer?"
MacGruber: "Nope."
Lt. Dixon Piper: "There were tons of spots closer."
MacGruber: "Yeah, with meters!"

MacGruber: Your companion is a very beautiful young woman.
Dieter Von Cunth: Thank you.
MacGruber: I hope you enjoy being date raped, ma'am.
Dieter Von Cunth: This is my daughter.

MacGruber: Don't worry, this is just like Nicaragua.
Vicki St. Elmo: I got shot in Nicaragua!
MacGruber: This is nothing like Nicaragua.

MacGruber: I just took an upper-decker in the master bathroom.
Vicki St. Elmo: Upper-decker?
MacGruber:Yeah, it's where you take a shit in the water tank and not the bowl... You look great.

Lt. Dixon Piper: "Now remember MacGruber. You gotta keep him on long enough to get a location."
MacGruber: "Don't worry, I've done this before. Now, listen to me you piece of... He hung up. Did you get it?"
Vicki St. Elmo: "No."
MacGruber: "Damn it! Is that thing working?!"

Lt. Dixon Piper: "What is the plan?"
MacGruber: "Well I don't use guns. So I am gonna use homemade explosives that I made with my own two..."

Vicki St. Elmo: I'm a virgin.
MacGruber: Not for long.

I'm in.

  • Permalink: I'm in.
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If ripping throats gets that warhead back, I'll suck as many dicks as I've go-- I'll rip as many throats as I have to!


Are you kidding me? Look at all this crap! There's like a million wires in here. I'm more like a three wire guy


Lt. Dixon Piper: "How did you know I was wearing a bullet proof vest?"
MacGruber: "You're wearing a bullet proof vest?! Awesome!"

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